i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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