But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
