im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
