Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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