I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
