Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
