just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
