Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
