Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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