i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
