so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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