then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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