did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
