just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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