whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
