Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
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So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
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After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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