I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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