Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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