this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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