What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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