My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
how drunk are you?
Several
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
