Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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