please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
