No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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