I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
