I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
