hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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