My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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