its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize