Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
