When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We talked him into tasing himself.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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