lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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