i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
