i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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