I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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