I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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