When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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