I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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