God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
