How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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