I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So much Jack, so little girl.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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