When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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