lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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