Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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