Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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