i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
