Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I will be naked everywhere
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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