the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
