is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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