i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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