yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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