put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are the jesus of drinking
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
