My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
