either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
