Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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