Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I love you.
Bad choice
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