the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
