From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
