every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
