Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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