You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
