i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
