At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
