Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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