My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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