just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
