yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
