Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
