You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
