you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
