Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i think i have herpe
just one?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
